so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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