I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
