why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
