I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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