I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
