mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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