Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
it's like heaven, but drunker
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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