My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
