You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
