Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
