You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
