I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
