Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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