so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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