I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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