I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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