sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I intend to get homeless drunk
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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