The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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