Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
