the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
