He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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