Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
