$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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