so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
