margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
