Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We need to get me chipped asap
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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