john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
