I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
