she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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