thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
