apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
