He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
