I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
