covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
oh god was she eating orange peels again
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
