How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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