I'm going to jail i love you
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
