i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
