It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
