I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
What a dumb baby whore.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
