A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
