I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
