I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
