Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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