I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
