so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
