I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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