life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
