Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
