How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
