Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
